Secrets of Successful Dating

All of you must be acquainted with at least one woman who is a guy magnet. She's the one who always seems to have a boyfriend (or two) and usually attracts the most interest when your group of female friends is out together. OK, she's attractive and fun, but the same can be said about all of you.

So, what does she have that the rest of you don't? Hint: Think effective body language, positive nonverbal and verbal communication, healthy self-esteem, and an ability and willingness to assertively use these to make the right connection.

As a dating coach who has worked with many clients of both sexes, I have been on the front lines with singles seeking many different kinds of dating experiences. I have encountered bad boys, nice guys, strong women, shy women, the marriage-minded, the commitment-phobes, those who have little or no dating experience, and those with active and satisfying dating histories.

What I have learned is that ultimate success comes to those who are honest and open about what they are looking for, who are willing to take initiative, and who actively participate in the "chase." That's right, ladies -- this means you, too. You must be willing to break, or at least bend, the "rules" as you learn to challenge the myths that say men must always be the hunters and women the elusive prey.

1. Come up with two or three subtle moves that you can make towards a guy whose online profile catches your eye. Try using your imagination and thinking outside the box. Winking, sharing something about yourself that helps you to stand out, or sending a brief, intriguing email that comments on something he said are always the easiest to start with. Keep it simple, honest, and sincere.

2. If a guy sends an email flirt, don't wait to respond. Look over his profile and send an email ASAP. Many women report having waited too long and then learning too late that he has met someone of interest in the meantime.

3. Don't wait more than two weeks after your first contact for HIM to suggest that first meeting. If you have been regularly communicating back and forth, go for it. Make it easy for him by having a tentative plan in mind already, and make sure that it is one that requires you to share the effort jointly. If he hesitates or avoids giving a response, he is not the guy for you.

4. Put a genuine effort into that first meeting. Try to look your best and communicate real interest in him and what he has to say. Be open and honest in your conversation -- without over-sharing. Let him know if you had a good time and that you'd love to get together again.

5. Don't represent yourself as only looking for a good time or as not interested in a serious relationship if this is not so. If it comes up, state your relationship goals simply and honestly and move on to something else. Don't elaborate on your ticking clock, desire for a large family, or other imperatives for sealing the deal quickly.

6. If you really like the guy, communicate this through your eyes, posture, smile, and other facial expressions. Tell him that you enjoy talking with him, sharing time with him, and would like to know him better.

7. Think about your men friends, satisfying relationships -- and ask them how they feel about women making the first move. Don't be surprised if at least one of them shares that his significant other was the one who approached him first. Listen carefully when he tells you that women who know what they want and go after it are a turn-on.  In other words, get a man's perspective, then go out there in cyberspace and be open to making the first move.

By Toni Coleman